It seems that much of the country goes “back to school” long before us. Weeks ago, my Facebook feed was inundated with first day pics, pretty Pinterest-inspired teacher gifts, and this blog post was shared several times over.
It was lovely, very well-written, and I may have shed a tear or twenty. But…BUT…what about me?
This is not my first time at the rodeo. I dropped my first-born off at kindergarten three years ago, and it was terrible. He was so little. (Think I’m kidding? I had to buy size 3 pants for his school uniforms.) He was so scared – when we told him he’d be staying at school all day, he took that completely literally. The poor little guy thought he’d never get to play with his toys or sleep in his bed again. I’m so thankful we figured out the problem before he cried himself to sleep the night before school started. Even the dog stood staring out the front window all day long, trying to figure out where his boy had gone.
Even though I left a piece of my heart at the elementary school that day, I still got to bring another little piece back home with me. I still had a little companion to take care of, to take shopping, to feed, to pick up after, and to talk to.
School starts in just two days, and this time, I’m dropping my last baby off at kindergarten. And this, my friends, THIS is already harder.
I’ve put a brave face on it, talking about how great it will be to go grocery shopping alone, how wonderful it will be that I can clean the house without a tiny tornado destroying everything right behind me, how much I will be able to accomplish in those six blissful hours that I will be alone every day.
But if I’m honest, it’s me who is completely terrified this time. I’m closing the door on a big chapter in my life. Yes, life with babies, toddlers, and preschoolers is challenging, but it’s all I’ve known for the last eight years. And I have loved it. Preschoolers are just about my favorite thing in this whole world. Short of a big OOPS!, I will never hold a baby of my own again, and this is the last time I’ll walk one to their first day of kindergarten.
I’m not as worried about my little one this time around. Kindergarten teachers are special people, y’all. I am pretty sure God hand-picks them. I know my girl will be well cared for. And she’s ready. Boy, is she ready. I gave her a taste of freedom this summer – letting her run and play outside without hovering over her every move. She has loved every minute of it. It’s bittersweet, seeing that she doesn’t really need me all the time anymore.
I’m anxious and excited to see what this next chapter of motherhood is like and how having TWO elementary school kids looks at our house. But if you see me on Wednesday, it’s probably best to silently give me a hug or pass me a tissue. I can already tell you how I’ll be doing, and it won’t be pretty.